Funny Facebook / Orkut Status Updates

• My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
• If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
• Everyone needs a monkey who can fit in their hands!
• I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure.
• No one is listening until you fart.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.  
• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
• What you seize is what you get.
• If you can’t convince them, confuse them. 
• Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
• By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button